There was a knot in the pit of my stomach. Whenever I thought about the conversation I needed to have, that knot would grow bigger until it filled my stomach and made me nauseous. What if they became angry? What if I became angry? What if I trip over my words and mess the whole thing up?
Feedback is essential for growth at work and in life. However, giving feedback is challenging and uncomfortable, so many people procrastinate or avoid it altogether. As a result, we miss opportunities for improvement in our work and our relationships. Here are some tips to help you overcome the fear and procrastination that surrounds giving feedback.
1 – Start with the end in mind
Before giving feedback, consider the outcomes you want to achieve. Why is giving this feedback important, and who will benefit? Having a clear understanding of the purpose and potential impact of your feedback can motivate you to take action. Remember that giving feedback is not just about pointing out mistakes; it’s also a chance to recognize strengths and offer support and encouragement.
2 – Plan your feedback with the recipient in mind
When planning your feedback, think about the recipient’s perspective. What are their goals, needs, and challenges? Remember that you are on their side…. This is a collaboration to reach a shared goal. Let them know that you want to help them succeed and offer specific suggestions for improvement. Also, use active listening skills to help you understand their point of view so you can respond appropriately.
3 – Remember that you’ve been through tough situations before
Though giving feedback can be uncomfortable and challenging, It needs to be done. An article I recently read in Psychology Today (Wilding, 2022) recommends that you remember and visualize tough situations that you have faced successfully. Remember and let yourself feel the emotions of remaining calm and successfully navigating the experience. Then use these past experiences to help you approach the upcoming feedback conversation with confidence and resilience.
4 – Plan your conversation with a tool to help you be specific
To help you stay focused on the situation, the actions, and the impact of those actions, use a feedback tool or framework. This can help you be specific about what you want to say and avoid making judgments about the person’s character or ability to do their job. The Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model is one of these tools that can help you deliver clear, actionable feedback.
5 – Avoid mirroring their emotions
When giving feedback, be aware of emotional mirroring, which occurs when you respond to someone’s emotions by experiencing similar emotions yourself. If the recipient becomes upset, resist the urge to follow them to a place of strong emotion. Instead, stay objective and focused on the feedback. Acknowledge their emotions, but don’t let them derail the conversation. Remember that you are there to provide support and guidance in the improvement process.
Giving feedback is often challenging, but it’s one of those things we need to do to promote growth and development. By starting with the end in mind, planning your strategy with the recipient in mind, drawing on past experiences, using a feedback tool, and being aware of emotional mirroring, you can overcome procrastination around giving feedback and provide valuable support and guidance to those around you.
Want more? Join our “Short Course” on Giving Effective Feedback.